smoQ
"Our Team Exists in Superposition"
MEET OUR "QUANTUM" TEAM
These people definitely exist (probably)
Dr. Schrรถdinger's Cat
Chief Quantum Officer
Simultaneously alive and dead until observed by the SEC. Previously at Theranos 2.0. Specializes in quantum superposition of employment status.
Blockchain Patel
Web5 Quantum Architect
Built 11 failed crypto projects. Now failing upwards in quantum. Claims to have invented "blockchain" before Satoshi (proof lost in a hard drive crash).
AI Nguyen
Deep Learning Mystic
Communicates with GPT-7 through quantum meditation. Once trained a neural network to generate VC pitch decks that raised $200M for a blank text file.
Madame Qubit
Quantum Fortune Teller
Predicts quantum futures using a crystal ball powered by 3 qubits and 100% imagination. Accuracy: both 0% and 100% until measured.
VC Vanderbilte
Chief Funding Officer
Specializes in converting buzzwords into Series Z funding. Once raised $50M for a quantum startup that was just a PDF with a gradient background.
ChatGPT-7
AI CTO
Our only actual working team member. Writes all our code, patents, and apology letters to investors. Currently in superposition between being fired and promoted.
โ ๏ธ Quantum Team Disclaimer: Our team members may or may not exist in your current reality branch. All credentials are in superposition between verified and fabricated. Any resemblance to actual persons (living, dead, or in quantum flux) is purely coincidental.