"Our Roadmap Exists in Multiple Timelines"

Quantum Hype Team (😂) Roadmap (LOL) FAQ (Don't Ask)

OUR "ROADMAP"

Guaranteed to shift goalposts quarterly

Q3
2024

"Launch" quantum blockchain (read: make PDF)

Publish whitepaper with 90% lorem ipsum and 10% quantum buzzwords

Status: In Superposition
Q1
2025

Pivot to quantum AI (scrape HuggingFace)

Announce "breakthrough" that's just a Jupyter notebook with pretty graphs

Status: Decoherence Event
Q3
2025

Blame "decoherence" for missed deadlines

Raise Series Z funding by claiming we need money to "stabilize qubits"

Status: Funding Secured
Q1
2026

Acquire competitor using imaginary stock

Announce "quantum synergy" while laying off 80% of staff

Status: Entangled
Q3
2026

Pivot to quantum metaverse

Release VR demo that's just a 360° video of our logo

Status: Quantum State Unknown
Q1
2027

File for IPO with "proprietary quantum metrics"

CEO sells all shares one day before stock crashes

Status: Observing Collapse
???

Quantum Singularity Achieved

All possible outcomes occur simultaneously. Investors still confused.